Guilt and shame, darn small world. We are close friends also. Lost touch with them a while back. We met when I was younger. Another life when I didn't look like a cat, because that wasn't the way I was born,
I was a dog. We got soo close that they helped me hide the fact that I was a cat. And to find things that helped me to keep it hidden.
I barked like a dog, bit like a dog, thought like a dog. I even joined a pack of dogs just like me. Who fought constantly to become alphas.
They told me, it's ok. Just one more, will keep the fact that you are a cat hidden. Wow it got messy! Before I knew I was fighting not for superiority, among others.I did it because, it was keeping the cat hidden.
As long as other dogs saw the most vicious dog, ever to walk those streets. That cat stayed out of sight. But I was not happy being a dog, it wasn't me..
They told me, things like.. It's ok, destroy. Oh it's not the fact that you are hidding the cat inside of you.. it was that bitch who abuse you. Since you were a pupp, the guilty one. I nodded constantly to those suggestions like a puppet.
When my body or my mind was at the point of chemical destruction. The cat helped me survive. But my close friends toke over driving me to open my mouth, to the numbing effect of the opiate of the masses.Regardless, what I did I was a cat. And nothing changed that fact.
I met the most beautiful person, she thought me that it was ok to be a cat. And after many years. I became, the proverbial cat out of the bag.... And I can not be happier, being me. Purrrrrr....
The moment we stop listening to my former friends and surround ourselves with positive people. The moment we don't listen. picture the best image of ourselves. And fight towards that goal. Their voices will inevitably start to faint.
Perhaps an abuse survivor. Guilt and shame will tell you. No, you are a abuse victim. As long as we call ourselves that. We empower the abuse. Just as much as pretending to be a dog, when you are truly a cat. We empower the deception. And is a bitter place to dwell.
We all complain at the cards given to us without realizing, that there always been a choice. The choice is to throw your cards down. Push your body away from the table. Stand and walk around the room, hoping to see a better table and figuring out how to get there. From where we are standing. It might take some walking. But at the end we get there.
One thing we cannot do, is to stay the way we don't like to be. And to lend an ear to those two. Cruel masters thats for sure.
And is always good to keep in mind this. It gives the reassurance that if you woke up this morning. It's a godarn good day.