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sexyjazz69 last won the day on June 18

sexyjazz69 had the most liked content!

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About sexyjazz69

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BDSM Experience

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  • Kinks
    blindfolds, ice cubes,fisting, spanking, clamps, orgasm control
  • Hard Limits
    humiliation, extreme pain, micro management


  • Vanilla Interests
    singing, reading and writing poetry and songs, travelling
  • BDSM Interests
    Had short term Doms, experienced a few play sessions but nothing long term. Looking for a Dom/Master - someone to guide me, teach me, bring out the best in me. someone who will help me fulfill my fantasies. If you wanna know what they are, just ask me Lol. My interests are: medical play, rape role play, orgasm control, electro-play, clit torture, forced lactation..... The list is pretty extensive Lol - just ask if you wanna know

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  1. I feel guilt or shame when it comes to my fantasies or after I have done something, enjoyed it and then I look back and think wtf did I just do????. It comes from my upbringing - brought up in a Christian home and had it drummed into me "dont have sex until marriage, masturbation is bad " etc. well that didnt happen.... And when you feel stressed or sexually frustrated - well, masturbation helps to relieve that stress, plus it releases all those "feel good" chemicals lol. However, sometimes after I have enjoyed myself sexually I start chastising myself, beating myself up and end up on a downer. I know, that's crazy right???. Its like all those good feelings are replaced by the judgement I place on myself. I am trying not to do it, but it is hard. I have done some pretty bad stuff through the years, and I have just had to accept the guilt and learn from it and move on. Try and live my life following my gut instinct and what I feel in my heart is right. I still have my bad days, where I over react to something and lose my way.... But that doesnt make me a bad person. It makes me human. These past few weeks have been a real eye opener for me, and I want to thank the people for their insight and input into my life. I feel more settled now and starting to feel better about things. Moving forward believing there is something good waiting for me just around the corner..... ` Jaz
  2. This reduced me to tears.... wow.... I could say more but yeah, it really hit a nerve. In a good way. Thankyou PurpleKnight x
  3. I have done some more serious contemplation on what it means for me to be a submissive and the kind of Dom I need..... ` I think the reason I have found it so difficult finding the right match for me is because I have never truly submitted.....what a revelation to me - almost too hard to hear myself say it.But I know deep inside it's true. I mean I have still wanted or needed to maintain some element of control because I am scared to completely let go. I am scared of losing myself, my independence, feeling weak or being judged by others. And the most difficult one - I am scared to trust and open up and be vulnerable. I am a woman first and foremost, and I need a Dom to see that too. Does being in a d/s relationship have to be so serious? I know giving someone my submission is a serious thing - it is no laughing matter, especially when you are faced with a cane or whip!!... but is it possible to have fun and laugh along the way??. ` I know there are people in the vanilla world who have this misguided belief that just because a woman is a sub, it means she is a "slut" and will just take whatever is done to her, no questions asked. Even in the BDSM world there ARE Doms who have this distorted view too. And I unfortunately have fallen prey to men like that. Again this is why I am finding this path so unclear and full of obstacles. But when does this road get any easier? when do I see the sun shine through the rain and everything becomes clear and I begin to find myself???. ` Many times I have walked away or tried to convince myself I am going to be happy in a vanilla relationship - and most of the time I have been (because for me I just got so fed up, I thought I could do without being a sub and all that came with it) but I wasn't being fulfilled. There was still this yearning or need for more.... I'm sure alot of subs can identify with me on this - unless your journey has been alot easier than mine.....` It is not that I do not want to submit, It is more I am scared of a Dom taking my submission and abusing it. Breaking my spirit and my heart. (Getting teary eyed at this point). I really need a Dom who has a soft approach first, gets to know me, becomes my friend first - this is so important to me because how can I submit to someone if they cant be my friend?. I need a Dom patient enough to take the time to build on the foundation of friendship, trust and communication and then take it further. I dont know if there are any Doms like that around.....But that would seriously be my ULTIMATE DOM. Someone who arouses my mind, my body, someone who just has a way about him that makes me "fall to my knees" and want to do anything for. And yeah being mushy here - I want a Dom I can fall in love with, and have him fall in love with me.` Can I, will I EVER find the right Dom for me??? I seriously do not know.... but I haven't stopped believing in miracles and fate and destiny........` Jaz
  4. Ok. I have been thinking this through ALOT lately. Trying to sort through the mess in my head and make sense of it all. ` For those that don't know me, I have been through a somewhat rocky,unsettling time recently and people I have spoken to have tried to give me advice that I have listened to but not really considered up until now. ` I have a way of communicating or wording things that come out sounding like I never intended them to. And to those who were on the receiving end of that, I truly apologise. If my words sounded bitter, childish, selfish, uncaring, false or pretentious, then I ask you to forgive me. I know I cant blame my past or other people for things that have happened in my life or even recently - I am solely responsible for my actions and the outcome was the result of those actions. Ok and the topic of this blog is "what am I looking for?", really the question is,why am I HERE?. I am not looking for a Dom who is going to treat me harshly,treat me like I am beneath him,expects my submission to be handed to him on a silver platter. Most of the Doms I have encountered (which is probably why I get so defensive and I really dont need to) think talking to me is license or good enough reason for me to just bow and submit. Now I might not have had alot of relationships with Doms but I do know that isnt how a TRUE Dom behaves and that I should guard my submission... until I find someone that I feel comfortable enough with to just let them shatter all the walls I put up around my heart, my mind, and let them in. I want to feel that joy in obeying his "commands" or completing that task he has assigned me to do.I want to find someone that I just "click" with. I have rarely met a man/Dom that I just find myself respecting without it being expected from me. I am looking for a friend as well as a teacher, mentor and lover, Someone who is strong when I feel weak, respects my limits but gives me the opportunity to explore them and push them, someone who takes the lead and has my best interests at heart. For those that don't know me, yes I can be emotional, and those emotions have reflected someone who I am not. I have upset the people around me by my emotional state, so I need someone who understands this "weakness" and has a "grounding or stablising" effect on me.The one thing I desperately want and need more than anything is someone I can trust. 100%, And know with absolute certainty he is going to be there for me and help me become my best self. Communication should be paramount too right?. I need to be able to express my fears, concerns, troubles etc to my Dom and to celebrate the victories and little achievements along the way..... I feel like I have rambled on enough about what I need and want (mental, physical and emotional attraction would be wonderful too of course!). I need to know what a Dom expects, needs/wants too. what can I offer my perspective Dom? well I have been told it is a 2 way street - so if he can fulfill all my needs then I will do my very best to fulfill his and make him happy and serve him to the best of my ability. And where I fall short, I trust he will take whatever action he thinks is necessary to help me reach my full potential as his submissive. I invite all comments- both positive and negative feedback on this blog. If I didnt make sense or something needs clarification, by all means I would be happy to hear from you.` ` Jaz