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  1. Earlier
  2. Guilt and shame, darn small world. We are close friends also. Lost touch with them a while back. We met when I was younger. Another life when I didn't look like a cat, because that wasn't the way I was born, I was a dog. We got soo close that they helped me hide the fact that I was a cat. And to find things that helped me to keep it hidden. I barked like a dog, bit like a dog, thought like a dog. I even joined a pack of dogs just like me. Who fought constantly to become alphas. They told me, it's ok. Just one more, will keep the fact that you are a cat hidden. Wow it got messy! Before I knew I was fighting not for superiority, among others.I did it because, it was keeping the cat hidden. As long as other dogs saw the most vicious dog, ever to walk those streets. That cat stayed out of sight. But I was not happy being a dog, it wasn't me.. They told me, things like.. It's ok, destroy. Oh it's not the fact that you are hidding the cat inside of you.. it was that bitch who abuse you. Since you were a pupp, the guilty one. I nodded constantly to those suggestions like a puppet. When my body or my mind was at the point of chemical destruction. The cat helped me survive. But my close friends toke over driving me to open my mouth, to the numbing effect of the opiate of the masses.Regardless, what I did I was a cat. And nothing changed that fact. I met the most beautiful person, she thought me that it was ok to be a cat. And after many years. I became, the proverbial cat out of the bag.... And I can not be happier, being me. Purrrrrr.... The moment we stop listening to my former friends and surround ourselves with positive people. The moment we don't listen. picture the best image of ourselves. And fight towards that goal. Their voices will inevitably start to faint. Perhaps an abuse survivor. Guilt and shame will tell you. No, you are a abuse victim. As long as we call ourselves that. We empower the abuse. Just as much as pretending to be a dog, when you are truly a cat. We empower the deception. And is a bitter place to dwell. We all complain at the cards given to us without realizing, that there always been a choice. The choice is to throw your cards down. Push your body away from the table. Stand and walk around the room, hoping to see a better table and figuring out how to get there. From where we are standing. It might take some walking. But at the end we get there. One thing we cannot do, is to stay the way we don't like to be. And to lend an ear to those two. Cruel masters thats for sure. And is always good to keep in mind this. It gives the reassurance that if you woke up this morning. It's a godarn good day.
  3. Last night I did something I do upon occasion, I checked out another BDSM chat room. I do this every once in a while so that I can meet new people and keep things in perspective. The one I went to last night had nearly forty people chatting though only around a dozen were actively chatting in the main room. I was just sitting in the sidelines and could tell it was a tightly knit group of regulars, fine that happens. Then the things I hate started rearing their heads. Within my first twenty minutes there I was getting private messages from three different people, which I don't necessarily hate. One of the messages was from someone I actually invited to come here and message me further because I liked what he had to say so much. The other two people well, they did not. The first approached me wanting to know about me, because that site just asked for a screen name. There were no profiles to learn about people from. Fine, it happens. I answered his questions and shot back with a few of my own. Well one of my own was, how long have you been part of the lifestyle? A pretty generic question. His answer, a few years. Okay that's vague. Then he went on to tell me about much he loves rope bondage. My answer, I love shibari too, and rigging. He had no idea what I was talking about. Red flag. He's a fake or just been left so uneducated to what the lifestyle really is. Deep breath, conversation continues... with him telling me he's hard. How nice. *Sarcasm fairy!* Pretty much not interested in anything with him after that. The second person got invited back here so moving onto the third. A woman approached me calling herself a Mistress. We started out with the basic info of asl (age, sex, location.) It's pretty standard so I think nothing of it and almost always respond with America as my location until I get to know more about the person I'm chatting with. Her next question, and this is the part that really makes me HATE other online communities. Are you for sale? She's referring to slave auctions. *Sigh.* Fine, fine. No I'm not for sale. Are you owned? Yes... go away lady. Would you like a job? What?! Doing what? Find me other girls to sell. NO. I already have a job. It's good money, and will only take up weekends. Not interested.... Finally after asking for my panties so she can give them to some other girl and being turned down she finally took the hint. I'm still shaking my head over that interaction. That's not what BDSM is! It's not selling people or paying someone to find people you can enslave! Master slave relationships aren't about that either, they are again consensual and beautiful because of it. BDSM is a beautiful harmony of people consensually coming together for mutual pleasure, communication, and growth. So again, I really hate other BDSM online communities, because situations like that happen all the time. Its ignorant and abusive, and I am so grateful to be able to make this community into something more.
  4. So I had been waiting to share this news until my new partner in "crime" made the first announcement since this is his baby so to speak, and I'm just a proud 'step mommy.' Well here goes, that interview I did with Kuldrin, to be released at the end of this month... well it went amazing and now I'm his co-host. Change is Coming to the Krypt!!! Check out his official announcement here, subscribe, and listen in. We hope to help teach our community, and are starting with podcast geared directly at newbies in the lifestyle. This won't change my position here at Avalon, or my availability to anyone here. The only real change that might be seen is that I'm able to draw in more lovely people like all of you. Hope you give us a listen, and check out all of Kuldrin's amazing solo podcasts. As always, let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
  5. Gate you crazy old man where are you

  6. i don't feel as if i am making up for some wrong in my past either, i honestly feel good when i help others. i do believe in karma also. i feel that if i put positive energy out, be it helping someone or just a smile to someone who is frowning, it will come back to me in some form at some point. So, i guess maybe for me, helping others is actually selfish? LOL
  7. HOPEFULLY. by the end of the end of the week i'll have a LOT more pics posted...hopefully...

  8. Happy Birthday to you i hope your day is fun and you enjoy your dinner with your wife. 

    1. Irish_MtDragon

      Irish_MtDragon

      thank you bun bun. i will make sure to do so.

  9. I'm sorry you've had to face such troubles. Friendships are as vital here too because they can be our primary lifestyle support systems. To abuse these friendships with dishonesty is a a truly shameful thing. One of my primary goals with Avalon is to help people overcome these pitfalls. Please let me know if you ever need my assistance.
  10. The worst part of this most recent experience for me, was that it happened in merely a friendship type conversation. i am in a relationship, the person knew that, we were just chatting ... and then BOOM ... why? A stupid, meaningless lie. And yes, i agree 100%, if you are going to lie about something small ... what big stuff are you lying about?
  11. You are absolutely right here, honesty is the single most vital part of any BDSM relationship. With so much of what we do focusing on being able to trust and openly communicate, it couldn't be any other way. And for me, if someone is dishonest about something I found small, then 90% of the time they're dishonest about the big stuff too. I don't waste time trying to build relationships with those people and I openly discourage anyone else in the lifestyle from doing so either.
  12. Need to vent... i'm not sure whether it's because i am such an honest person myself, but the one thing i have always hated was being lied to. And i feel that, especially in the BDSM lifestyle, honesty is a MUST. If you can't be honest about who you are, what you want, what your limits are ... then what are you doing here? And why lie about something insignificant? Something that means nothing in the grand scheme of things? When someone lies to me about something, anything ... i can't trust them. And then to cover a bold lie with "sorry if you misunderstood"? No, i did not misunderstand, you said A ... then later said B. If i don't want to reveal something, i say so. If i am uncomfortable about a certain topic, i say so. What is so hard about that? Why do people feel the need to lie? Am i just naive? i know it's not just an internet thing, because it's happened over and over in real life too. It just really gets me angry! Vent over ....
  13. Very,Very Beautiful I hope I find that.... I pray I do....
  14. I can see this for me.. but It's beautiful...very beautiful
  15. Before you enter any online BDSM community, it is important to understand how the information and materials you post may be used so that you can take a proactive approach to protecting your privacy and personal information. By joining this forum, you are giving consent for everything you say and do here to be used and seen by other members. This is due to the implied consent doctrine, which states that people do not need to provide written consent when their actions or failure to act imply that they consent to certain laws, rules or policies. Since there can be such broad applications to this law, I thought it important that you understand how the information you post on our forum can and will be used and the rights that you will retain while a member. Legal Definition of Implied Consent There are a variety of resources I can point you to when understanding consent laws. As a writer, who furthermore works routinely with a lawyer, I have an intricate understanding of concepts such as intellectual property, copyright and implied consent. It is important to understand that intellectual property and consent are two different things, and I will explain how we treat each of those things below. Intellectual property can be defined as an idea, design, story or other material that a person has created or produced. If you post a blog on our forum, the blog itself is your intellectual property. Your intellectual property is yours until you provide consent to give the rights up to another person in exchange for money, exposure or any other form of compensation. Copyright is important because it is what allows writers, musicians and artists to maintain the rights to their materials. What a copyright guarantees is that your content may not be used without your consent. Read the last three words of the previous sentence. Without your consent. Implied consent is a legal doctrine in the United States and many other countries that protects people in my position by defining what constitutes consent when there is no written contract. It is often used in drunk driving cases, rape trials and other high profile proceedings, but also applies to copyright claims when people share their content on websites. If you would like an exhaustive definition of implied consent, you can look here. I will summarize it for you as it applies to this site. Implied consent is the willingness of a person to adhere to rules, regulations or consequences based on his or her actions or inaction alone. By signing up to this forum, you are consenting that the Code of Avalon will apply to you while you are a member and that your posts will be used by the website as the administrators see fit. This applies to your profile information, pictures, blog posts, forum posts and chat activities. Your Rights as a Forum Member While implied consent protects The Order of Avalon, it is important to understand that your rights and property are protected here. If you would like to post blogs or stories, do so with the full knowledge that you will maintain your copyright, but also under acknowledgement that you consent to the material remaining here on the site even after you have departed. If you wish to submit material to be featured in our resources or articles sections, understand that you have the right to and will receive a byline for every article that is published so that you have credit for your work. You cannot rescind your permission at a later date, however. The very act of signing up for this forum has provided consent that your material be kept on the forum unless the administration sees fit to remove it. Therefore, keep these things in mind when you proceed, as we cannot be liable for you posting personal information or any pictures or videos that could prove to be compromising at a later time. My personal recommendations are that you use an email address for the express purpose of BDSM activities and never show your face in pictures you post in public. It is my hope that you join us and contribute actively here in a constructive manner and I hope that this information helps you understand your rights and how to protect your personal information and privacy.
  16. Play For Daddy

    By Crimson Pen

     

    She reclines back on the feather bed
    In her white lace bra and panties
    She looks at me with those brown eyes
    Her curly blonde hair cast down her shoulder

    Please let me Daddy,” she pouts
    Sitting on the edge of the bed, I’m firm
    “I said No,” with a growling smile
    Frustration sets in as she squirms a bit

    Daddy please I want to so bad,” she pleads
    Wearing me down, she looks at me seductively
    She lifts up and unsnaps her bra
    Letting it fall away she shows her pretty breasts

    You like to watch me don’t you Daddy?” she asked
    “You know I do babygirl,” I said beginning to cave in
    She pulls her knees up and slides her panties off
    “Okay,” I said as she spread her legs

    She looked at me with those beautiful brown eyes
    Her fingers began to caress her smooth shaven lips
    She moved with a pleasing lust in her eyes
    Her other hand moving to her hard nipples

    She began her rhythmic dance for me
    My heart beat fast with love and admiration
    Her lips glisten for me, waiting for me
    “I love to play for Daddy,” she whispered softly


     

    1. sexyjazz69

      sexyjazz69

      Hmmm Niiiiice one! Lol :D

  17. As it's been said many times over and can't be said enough: Communication is key to ALL relationship and being in tuned to your partners feelings even when they can't or wont express them clearly to you. As some D/s relationships develop into deeper understanding of each other, those within them tend to learn the tell-tale signs of their partner's emotions/thoughts without asking; in-synch with each other. I had written about My own personal experiences with a couple of past submissives I was privileged to share many moments and time with. As I stated then, Wwe got to the point where W/we could sense when O/one of U/us was not quite right, not having a good day, having this heavy heart shared between U/us as though W/we were linked together. W/we could hear each other's thoughts without even talking to; W/we could sense when O/one or the other were awake for that day. This connection W/we shared doesn't happen to E/everyone, but when it does, you know you have gone past just a casual relationship; into one that E/everyone seeks to find once in their life. I was lucky enough to experience this twice. This is when you know you spent the time to build that bond and foundation that links the two of Y/you to become "O/one" with each other. HBMan and misty, I see this between you two in both your writings and the chats W/we have had. Always be open to each other and share your thoughts, regardless how trivial they may seem, Always be there to support each other both in good times and bad. It will only make your Union stronger. *applause*
  18. Today HBMan seemed different right from the first message He and I exchanged. I can't say how different. I just knew immediately He was different. So, I asked whether He was ok. He replied that He was. What followed can only be described as a disasterous conversation. It ended with His frustration levels rising while I sat and cried. I knew I wasn't to blame but I could also see His effort to not hurt me. And so I gave Him an 'out' saying I needed to go and do something. A short while later, He replied with a wry little joke, I saw it as the effort to come closer that it was and we got to the heart of the matter. All is well and we realised how sensitive we are to each others moods. But it showed me more. I've always maintained that the hardest part for me in a D / s dynamic is not obedience. It's not limits or tasks. It's being vulnerable. Being open. Actually, it's more...Remaining vulnerable when you can see the Other is off-kilter; not shutting down to try and protect yourself. That is what is difficult. And while I felt myself closing, and telling Him that it's OK and that I'll sort xxx out myself, feeling very alone and vulnerable, the second He showed a hint of wanting to right the balance, I didn't hold onto it. I believed that He really wasn't going to hurt me. And I could embrace it. That is progress, isn't it? It might have stayed a disasterous conversation, but it didn't. Why? Because He doesn't want to hurt me and I don't want to shut down. Slow steps. Solid. Important.
  19. Good Girl

     

    By Crimson Pen

    My mind races from thought to thought.
    The rope is tight.
    His hand caresses me.
    The wetness grows between my legs.
    I feel the burning of the belt.
    I’m blindfolded into darkness.
    What is that inside me?
    My body tingles.
    There is no escape.
    My nipples are pinched.
    Take more of me.
    His hand is in my hair.
    I gag on him.
    Tears soak the blindfold.
    My heart is beating so fast.
    Strong hands on my hips.
    Take all of me.
    Thoughts are slipping away.
    He has me.
    Faintly hear the command.
    He’s saying “Cum for me precious.”
    I sense his strong movements.
    My long orgasm begins.
    He is hungry for me.

    My mind is still.
    No dreams.
    No thoughts.

    I feel his warmth.
    He’s holding my hand.
    He’s pulling the hair out of my eyes.
    I feel his gentle kisses and caresses.
    My body lies against his.
    His arms surround me.
    He whispers softly in my ear.
    “Good Girl.”

  20. Oh and... A Wise Man once said in a blog about boobies: 'Of course women know ALL these facts the same as they know everything else...Right?'. *grino* exactly right, my Sir. And now I have written proof.
  21. Hey Sir, long time, no see. Hope all is well :)

  22. I found the reference to men and their preference for larger or smaller breasts fascinating. If I read it correctly, there seems to be some type of correlation between liking larger breasts on a woman and what was important for early survival. But the most apt sentence in the whole blog, in my humble opinion was: FU hormones!!
  23. Of course women know ALL these facts the same as they know everything else...Right?...but Us guys don't...So here is a explanation of One of the fairer sex's anatomical parts that fascinate Us so much.... The average boob weighs 1.1 lbs (0.5kg) and contains 4-5% of the body's total fat. -40% of Australian women wear a bra with a cup size DD or larger. -The average bra size in the U.S. is a 34DD. 20 years ago: it was 34B. -Squeezing breasts may prevent cancer. Guys who routinely fondle their partner's boobs may actually be saving their life! Apparently, applying physical pressure on the breasts can stop the rapid growth of cancer and prevent out of control cells from turning malignant. -The average erect nipple is about the same size of five stacked coins. -Due to hormones released during ovulation, a woman's breasts are most symmetrical between days 14 and 16 of her monthly cycle. -Massaging a breast or nipple releases oxytocin to the brain, the same chemical that's released when you're hugged. -The average U.S. woman wears a size 40D bra. This equates to about 3 lbs total or 1.5 lbs per breast. -Females have an equal chance of inheriting your chest size from either parent, which is why sister may have very different breasts sizes. -Nipples can leak fluid, even if you're not breastfeeding. -German model Stephanie Rahn was the Sun's first Page 3 Girl, revealing a single breast in the newspaper in 1970. -The Milky Way Galaxy is so named due to the ancient Greeks believed that it was made from a drop of milk from the breasts of the Greek Goddess Hera. -Women who get breast implants are three times more likely to commit suicide. How ironic is it that a procedure undertaken to enhance a woman's self-esteem, has resulted in a finding that women who get breast implants are at least three times more likely to commit suicide. -In most women, the left breast is usually slightly larger than the right. This is due to the proximity to the heart. Very few women have perfectly symmetrical breasts. An up to 20 percent difference in size between the right and left breast is normal. -Boobs aren't just made of fat. They are a complex system of glands and ducts, which also includes the nipple. Underneath each breast is muscle, as well as fibrous tissue that separates it from the ribs. After a certain age however, breasts do turn into mostly fat. -Breast milk is sweeter, has more vitamin E, more iron, less essential fatty acids and less sodium than cow's milk. -Hormones released during pregnancy can make nipples darker. They fade later. -Sexist men prefer large breasts. A study identified a connection between sexism in men and breast size. The men were then asked to identify which women they found most attractive following which each was given a survey measuring hostility and attitudes toward women, relationships, benevolent sexism and how much a man objectified a women. The majority of men interested in large to very large breasts admitted to displaying behavioural traits of sexism and hostile attitudes towards women. -Breasts normally grow for about two to four years after a girl gets her first period. -Pregnancy, breast-feeding, menopause, birth control pills, and even sex can cause breasts to swell. -80% of women are wearing the wrong bra size, which can lead to back pain and indigestion. -Some women have one nipple wider than the other. It's normal. -According to a French study conducted over 15 years on women aged between 18-35, wearing a bra is completely useless for women and may actually cause more harm than good. The study claimed that those women who did not wear a bra actually benefited long term, as they were able to develop more muscle tissue, which provided natural support. -Breast cancer is the second deadliest cancer for women. Lung cancer is the first. One in eight women will eventually be diagnosed with breast cancer. -Breasts can also grow as much as a full cup size during the menstrual cycle however in the days following, hormone levels drop and they shrink to their smallest. FU hormones! -According to one study, some women can orgasm via breast stimulation: 1% of the women included in the study, to be exact. -Breast implants have been made out of such things as: Polyester, glass balls, ivory, ground rubber, Ox cartilage, and the most famous - silicone injections (which caused granulomas and disfigurement). -Some women can reach orgasm just through nipple stimulation. In one study it was found that for some women self-stimulation triggered the genital sensory cortex of the brain. -Breast size is pretty much all genetics and weight. Interestingly, when women lose or gain weight, your breasts are one of the first part of the body to change. -'Jogger's Nipple' is an all too real condition causing the nipples to become sore or even bleed caused by the friction of rubbing against fabric. -Men who like small breasts prefer a submissive partner. -The first radical mastectomy (breast removal) was performed in the late 1800's. -One study found that when women run, regardless of size, their breasts could move up, down, and all around as much as eight inches. -The largest breast implants in the world belong to Sheyla Hershey of Houston TX, formerly of Brazil. Her fake titties put her at an astounding 38KKK. She had to have the procedure done in her native Brazil, as the US doesn't allow that amount of silicon in a body. -Coffee can make your boobs more sensitive, according to one study about the effects of caffeine. -27-year-old Claire Smedley hit the headlines after almost suffocating her boyfriend with her 40LL's. He fell unconscious after being smothered by her boobs during sex. That's how I want to go! -In late 19th century, Korean women would normally wear everyday clothes that exposed their breasts. -Having a third nipple isn't uncommon. About 6% of the population has a third (or more) nipple with extra breast tissue. These extra breasts can even lactate and become sensitive during menstruation. -Poor men like big breasts while financially secure men prefer smaller breasts. A study found the amount of money a man earns has a lot to do with the size of breasts he prefers. -In Japan, some people either tattoo or use makeup to make their nipples appear more pink. -Breastfeeding invokes in the mother the neurochemical oxytocin, otherwise known as the "love drug" which helps to focus her attention and affection on her baby. It's now been theorised that men who do nipple foreplay and stimulation during sex can make themselves more desirable. -The first boob job surgery took place in 1962. Now it's the most popular form of plastic surgery in the United States, and has been since 2006. -The most sensitive part of the breast isn't the nipple, it's the area right above it. -Due to the chemicals in cigarettes breaking down the body's elastin, smokers often have saggier breasts than non-smokers. -Breast milk is considered to have a sweet flavour due to the high amounts of lactose. -In Hong Kong, you can get a degree in Bra Studies from the Hong Kong Polytechnic University. Students learn how to design and build a bra. -Hungry men desire big breasts while satiated men prefer a smaller chest. Researchers found that hungry men preferred larger breasts to those whose stomachs were full. -There are four types of nipples: protruding, flat, puffy, and inverted. All are normal. -Approximately two million women in the United States have breast implants. -In 2008, there were 307,230 breast enlargements performed in the US. -Men not interested in fatherhood find large breasts less attractive. A study showed that large breasts are a signal of woman's capacity and ability to bear and nurture children. -The reason that the original Lara Croft had such large breasts is that the size was accidentally set to 150% by designer, Tony Gard. The rest of the crew convinced him to keep it that way. -The largest natural breasts in the world belong to Norma Stitz of the USA. She has a 70 inch chest; a bra size of 102ZZZ. She suffers from gigantomastia, which is a slow but steady growth of breast and fat tissue. -Men have nipples because all foetuses start out as females. -Chinese women who regularly eat mushrooms and drink green tea daily have 89% less risk of developing breast cancer than those who consume neither.
  24. "Outside drop toilets" used in the bush kitty, a deep hole 3walls and a lean to roof, And newspaper for....Fanny wipes...
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